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158 Funny Quotes

Bring a smile to your face with these funny quotes - you will find laughter, humor, and a bit of wisdom in these. Our collection includes funny inspirational and motivational quotations said by some famous people and others. We all need humor in life it helps the challenges that we all sometimes face!

You may find some of them to be motivational because they challenge you thinking in a humorous way but also in a motivating way. Share these with other people to brighten their day and give them a smile!

Short Funny Quotes


1. You can't shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! Eric Thomas
   Inspirational Quotes for Students
2. The only time I feel light-hearted is when I'm in a plane at 33,000 feet. Robert Rivers
   Happy
3. "A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks." Charles Gordy
   Short Quotes

   

4. It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. Rose MacAulay
   Cute Quotes
5. Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. Frank Moore Colby
   Anger
6. There are three ways in life to become popular: be rich, be beautiful, or be funny. Jon Macks, How to Be Funny
   Happiness - Is There A Common Definition

   

7. The truth hurts, and so would you if you were stretched as much. Author Unknown
   Truth
8. I don't have a funny bone in my body; now I know why my surgeon's bills are so high. Rory R. Cuphist
   Health
9. Being rich is having money; being wealthy is having time. Margaret Bonnano
   Time

   

10. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. Maya Angelou
    Attitude
11. I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
    Laughter

    

12. "A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." Irish Quote
    Positive Energy
13. Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz
    Live Life
14. Photography without seeing would be like eating without tasting. David McKay, Photography Demystified
    Photography
15. If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. Confucius
    Smart

    

16. "A smile is a curve that sets everything straight." Phyllis Diller
    Quotes That Make You Smile
17. Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
    Sad Quotes about Life
18. A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results. BC Forbes
    Determination

    

19. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'! Audrey Hepburn
    Possibilities
20. Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. Will Rogers
    One Line Quotes on Life

    

21. I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet. Gandhi
    Mindset
22. You cannot be anything if you want to be everything. Solomon Schechter
    Focus
23. You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Rabindranath Tagore
    Action

    

24. Talkers are usually more articulate than doers, since talk is their specialty. Thomas Sowell
    Actions Speak Louder Than Words Quotes
25. I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody. George Burns (at 100 years)
    Respect
26. It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. Brigitte Bardot
    Happy Birthday Wishes

    

27. The truth can be funny but it's not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult People
    Honesty
28. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. Bob Hope
    Money
29. "A laugh is a smile that bursts." Mary H. Waldrip
    Short Positive Quotes

    

30. They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea. Francis Bacon
    Thinking
31. "The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine." Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Take Action
32. The moon was full and so close that it seemed we could scoop out some moon ice cream and fill ourselves up on moonbeams. Elif Ekin, Mostly Happy
    Moon Quotes
33. The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he made so many of them." Abraham Lincoln
    God

    

34. Cause your facial expression to change - smile. Catherine Pulsifer
    Change
35. We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw
    Growth
36. Actually being funny is mostly telling the truth about things. Bernard Sahlins
    Meaningful

    

37. Today's opportunities erase yesterday's failures. Gene Brown
    Failure
38. Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Bill Vaughan
    Happiness
39. A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright. Lucille Ball
    Simple Life Quotes
40. One fails forward toward success." Charles Kettering
    Motivational Quotes for Students

    

41. If you dig a grave for others you may fall into it yourself. Irish Proverbs
    Proverbs
42. Middle age is when you can still do everything you used to do - but you decide you'll do it tomorrow. Dr. Tom Haggai
    Birthday
43. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen
    Quote of The Day
44. "Some people die at twenty-five and aren't buried until they are seventy-five." Benjamin Franklin
    Life and Death

    

45. Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. C.E.M. Joad
    Happy Birthday Quotes For Friend

    Funny Inspirational Quotes

46. The shortest recorded period of time lies between the minute you put some money away for a rainy day and the unexpected arrival of rain. Jane Bryant Quinn
    Self Motivation

    

47. If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won't come up with a hand full of mud either. Leo Burnett
    Inspirational Quotes
48. Keep your sense of humor. As General Joe Stillwell said, 'The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind'. Donald Rumsfeld
    Words of Encouragement for Men
49. For a politician to complain about the press is like a ship's captain complaining about the sea. Enoch Powell
    Great Quotes about Life

    

50. If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be. Maya Angelou
    Amazing
51. See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly. George Harris
    Be Yourself
52. I don't think God put you on this earth just to make millions of dollars and ignore everything else. Chris Amundsen Helping Others
53. You can't experience simple joys when you're living life with your hair on fire. Emily Ley
    Joy

    

54. "The mind is like a clock that is constantly running down. It has to be wound up daily with good thoughts." Fulton J. Sheen
    Daily Inspiration
55. If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap. Glen Buck
    Funny Quotes about Life
56. From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce. Thomas Edison
    Genius

    

57. Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip. Richard Steele
    Gossip
58. Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water! Eleanor Roosevelt
    Overcoming
59. My father taught me a good lesson: Don't get to low when things go wrong. And don't get too high when things are good. Robert Perish
    Life Lessons

    

60. New Year's resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it. Charlie Brooker
    New Year
61. "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito." Bette Reese
    Funny Graduation Quotes
62. Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. William James
    Common Sense

    

63. Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from his neck saying, Make Me Feel Important! Never forget this when working with people. Mary Kay Ash
    Work
64. Yoga is the fountain of youth. You're only as young as your spine is flexible. Bob Harper
    Yoga
65. Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns
    Wise
66. You need to be comfortable with you. Stop worrying about the couple in the corner who may or may not be looking at you funny. Willow Cross, Getting Over It
    Comfort Zone

    

67. Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. Bad habits can be broken, good habits formed. William James
    Habit
68. How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten? Logan Pearsall Smith
    Age
69. "Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more." Wayne W. Dyer, Everyday Wisdom For Success
    Chasing Dreams
70. Folks die to easy - they sort of fade away;
    Make a little error, and give up in dismay.
    Mabel E. Bailey, Keep Your Grit
    Poems about Perseverance

    

71. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday
    Church
72. Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? RAJ Phillips
    Humor
73. People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election. Otto von Bismarck
    War
74. In every dream journey there comes a moment when you have to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion
    Journey
75. You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present. Jan Glidewell
    Forgiveness

    Famous Funny Quotes

    You will recognize the famous people who said these quotes. People who have had success in life, and one of their secrets to success is humor!

    

76. People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages. Benjamin Franklin
    Depression
77. "People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." Zig Ziglar
    Motivational

    

78. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. Joel Osteen
    Words of Encouragement
79. Without enthusiasm, your sales talk is about as dead as last year's turkey. Dale Carnegie
    Motivational Sales

    

80. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin Roosevelt
    Winning
81. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked! Muhammad Ali
    Funny Good Morning Quotes

    

82. "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you." Walt Disney
    Funny Sayings
83. Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed. Gandhi
    Cool
84. You want to be a millionaire. But your values system says you believe in sleep more than grinding! Eric Thomas
    Actions Speak Louder Than Words

    

85. Spring is the time of year when it is summer in the sun and winter in the shade. Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
    Sunshine
86. You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way. Michael Jordan
    Practice
87. I don't want to be a genius - I have enough problems just trying to be a man. Albert Camus
    Problem
88. Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Paulo Coelho
    Motivational Quotes About Life

    

89. "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." Mark Twain
    Smile
90. Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. Bill Gates
    Funny Work Quotes
91. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights. Maya Angelou
    Funny Christmas Quotes
92. " . . . I ask people if an elephant has ever bitten them. Most of the time people say no. But everyone has been bitten by a mosquito. It's the little things that get us." David DeNotaris
    Positive Life

    

93. Money is like manure, of very little use except it be spread.
    Francis Bacon
    Random
94. Enthusiasm is the leaping lightning, not to be measured by the horse-power of the understanding. Ralph Waldo Emerson
    Enthusiasm
95. Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you. Jim Rohn
    Ocean
96. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last. Winston S. Churchill
    Violence
97. Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway. Mary Kay
    Cute Life Quotes

    

98. No one has ever become poor by giving. Anne Frank
    Giving
99. I am not funny. My writers were funny. My direction was funny. The situations were funny. But I am not funny. I am not funny. What I am is brave. Lucille Ball
    Courage
100. Do not hold to what you have. It is like a ferry boat for people who want to get across waters. Once you have got across, never bear it on your back. You should head forward. Bruce Lee
     Moving Forward
101. "Life is the movie you see through your own eyes. It makes little difference what's happening out there. It's how you take it that counts." Denis Waitley
     Inspirational Thoughts

     

102. "Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't." Richard Bach
     Famous
103. Remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless: peacocks and lilies for instance. John Ruskin
     Beautiful
104. Sixty years ago a gentleman wouldn't go to work without a hat on; ten years ago they stopped wearing ties. Now you don't have to go into work to go to work, so who knows what people are wearing...and who cares?! Shaa Wasmund, Stop Talking, Start Doing
     Work From Home
105. We humans are a silly bunch. We spend half our time trying to fit in with the crowd and the other half trying to stand out from it. Nick Vujicic
     Self Esteem
106. Can I give you a handful of laughter, a smidgen of giggles to boot, a cupful of tease and a comical sneeze, followed by a hilarious hoot. John McLeod, A Handful of Laughter
     Funny Poems

     

107. "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbour's roof when your own doorstep is unclean." Confucius
     Complaining
108. To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! Edgar Allan Poe
     Death
109. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything - that clearly points to a political career. George Bernard Shaw
     Knowledge

     

110. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? Albert Einstein
     Top Ten Quotes
111. Did you ever notice how difficult it is to argue with someone who is not obsessed with being right? Wayne Dyer
     Encouraging
112. Years ago there was belief that the world was flat. People were born into that belief and they took it on faith that if they went too far from the shoreline in a boat they would fall off the earth. Columbus sailed on. Les Brown
     Believe

     

113. Happen to things, don't let things happen to you. Stephen Covey
     Opportunity
114. Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm. M.K. Soni
     Overcoming Obstacles
115. Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe. Abraham Lincoln
     Preparation
116. "I don't want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish." Yanni
     Words of Encouragement for Kids
117. A bore is a person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. Henry Ford
     Clever

     

118. It's always too early to quit. Norman Vincent Peale
     Never Quit
119. Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx
     Fate
120. Lower your expectations of earth. This isn't heaven, so don't expect it to be. Max Lucado
     Motivational Quotes about Life

     Funny Motivational Quotes

121. Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you someone who will make history. Give me someone without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk J.C. Penny
     Goals

     

122. Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV. Thomas Sowell
     Sports
123. An occasional coffee drinker: I only really like it because it gives me an excuse to eat dessert. Sebastien; Racineux; Chung-Leng Tran, Coffee Isn't Rocket Science
     Coffee
124. Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas - it won't take you anyplace. Eimantas Gabalis, How To Get Smarter
     Best Quotes
125. Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time. Steven Redhead
     Willpower
126. Why was the turkey allowed to join the band?
     Because he had the drumsticks! Hayden Fox, The Try Not To Laugh Challenge
     A Riddle
127. Humor helps build connections and relationships in ways that few other social interactions can. Gregory Peart, You Can Be Funny and Make People Laugh
     Relationship
128. Laughter is subjective. What's funny is whatever makes you laugh. No questions, no arguments. If it makes you laugh, it's funny . . . to you. Steven Kaplan, The Hidden Tools of Comedy
     Laughter Is The Best Medicine

     

129. The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come. Nicky Gumbel
     Giving Up
130. The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does. Proverb
     Funny Proverbs
131. The Romans described the hippopotamus as a fire-breathing river horse that sweated blood. Lucy Cooke, The Unexpected Truth About Animals
     Animal
132. Each child is as different as you and I. Therefore, I believe there isn't a one-method-fits-all strategy, no matter how appealing that idea might sound (sorry Gina Ford). Giovanna Fletcher, Happy Mum, Happy Baby
     Motherhood
133. Quality is more than important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles. Steve Jobs
     Quality

     

134. Why hoard your troubles? They have no market value, so just throw them away. Ann Schade
     Trouble
135. Procrastination is an art form that is less desirable than painting a detailed landscape using a three inch wide brush. Byron Pulsifer
     Procrastination
136. Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground. Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream
     Dream
137. Negative people aren't concentrating their bad energy to be shared with only you. ... Mosquitos aren't going to bite just you; they are going to go after the easiest available blood. Barb Bailey, How to Detach from Negative People
     Negative People

     

138. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
     Tolerance
139. Doing nothing is not as easy as it looks. You have to be careful because the idea of doing anything which could easily lead to doing something that could cut into your nothing and that would force me to have to drop everything. Jerry Seinfeld
     Motivational Quote for Kids
140. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. George Carlin
     Famous Quotes about Life
141. Turning our abilities from stagnate puddles to rushing rivers can happen when we apply ourselves to the task. Warren Philip Gates, Success and the Powerful Introvert
     Positive

     

142. Our minds are like monkeys, swinging from one thought to another like monkeys on a tree. As a result, we always feel as if a sense of order, balance, awareness and concentration elude us, because we are always doing, always acting. Debeena Harris, Mindfulness: Mindfulness For Beginners
     Positive Thinking
143. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. Laurence J. Peter
     Future
144. Remember that sometimes people laugh when something is actually funny, but often they laugh when they lack the imagination to understand the situation. John Barrett, SoS-Life Enhancement
     Imagination
145. One of the most successful ways companies get the consumer's attention is by presenting the product in a funny or emotional way. Arlene Battishill, Retail Shock Therapy
     Success

     

146. Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours. Doug Larsen
     Goal Setting
147. Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest. Nick Maley, The Do or Do Not Outlook
     Graduation
148. To Retirement! It's nice to get out of the rat race, But you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
     Retirement
149. "You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb: 'If and When were planted, and Nothing grew'." Catherine Pulsifer, If and When Were Planted
     Listening
150. "It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business." Mahatma Gandhi
     Motivational Quotes for Work

     

151. The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. Bill Copeland
     Life Goals
152. Visualize something totally funny or crazy! This will instantly change how you feel because you can't visualize two things at the same time. Mark Snyder, Developing Good Habits
     Vision
153. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings. Dave Barry
     Achievement

     

154. A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves - we become unstoppable. Ken Fite, The Dash
     Purpose
155. I am not an advocate of pity parties. They allow you to wallow in misery and drag yourself even further into the depths of woe. But sometimes having a good cry is like changing the oil in your car. You got 3000 miles out of that batch, now you have 3000 miles to go before another. Sandra Bullock Smith, Trading Places
     Positive Attitude
156. Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. Oscar Wilde
     New Year Resolution
157. Water's like me. It's lazy. Boy, it always looks for the easiest way to do things. Bob Ross
     Funny Retirement Quotes
158. To be taught to read -what is the use of that, if you know not whether what you read is false or true? John Ruskin
     Truth

We hope you have enjoyed our collection of funny quotations and that they have brought a smile to your face. Share them with other people who could use a smile and a bit of encouragement this day! There is a famous quote said by e. e. cummings, "The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." More Quotes to Make You Smile and Inspire You

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